Wardrobe | Home

And this is what you really look like. Squatty ankles under short-looking legs. Because that's what gladiator sandals do - they shorten your legs and puff up your ankles. Image source.

What is my soapbox about logo flip flops? First, they are JUST flip-flops. Second, a flip-flop does not command a place of importance in your summer wardrobe budget. So when you pay for that logo, you are siphening off precious and limited funds to a sub-category in your overall budget. And worse, you're funding someone's celebrity-studded marketing campaign for a FLIP-FLOP. Thirdly, are you a teen or tween? You look like you're trying to compete with them when you wear their favorite summer accessory, the designer flip-flop. Have I been clear?

I really don't get this one. Everyone seems to love boat shoes. I have even bought them with clients who needed a summer comfort shoe. But they were the type of people who don't look ridiculous in them. That's a small category of the population, dolls. (My aviator friend is one of the cool cats.) They were actually going to wear them in a situation where you need a closed-toe, waterproof shoe. I prefer an athletic shoe or Converse that air dries in a jiff.

Granted, the denim on denim look is a thing. That's blue denim on blue denim and shades of blues. But it just doesn't translate into the white on white denim look. At least most of the time. I am not AT ALL opposed to white on white in every other combination, just not 2 white denim pieces at the same time. Millimeters, dolls, millimeters.

Oh dear. This one is really hard for me to give up because it is my de facto hair style. It's just so dadgum easy! And cool! And perfect for dirty hair! But it is also terrible. You know who can pull it off? People who have it done professionally. As in, a styled messy look. These are the people who make us think we can look as chic in the same unstudied way, and in reality we look like we're dressed for home project day.

It's summer so your yoga pants are too hot to wear. You thought your dreams came true when you spotted a shorter version. No. No they didn't. Cropped yoga pants are a nightmare. Not a dream.

Awful. Terrible. Gross. Ugly. Got that? Either opt for shorts or an ankle pant, but the in-between purgatory of an evil capri will punish you with scoffers and oglers.

Yep. They're awful. Even if you think they look like the ones that came off the runways this spring and you're making an ironic fashion statement, you're not fooling anyone that your Costco capris are actually hip and in style, or attractive. Image by emmajane.